Dilemma...

That’s the most correct and suitable word to describe me now, i guess. Initially, i was planning to finish my studies within three and half years which means i have one semester left after this semester ends. Suddenly, my name came up as a candidate for president/vice president 1 for my programme’s society which is Science Students’ Society (ScienceSS). That means, i cannot proceed my plan and seem to finish my studies within four years, as others do. Before the election, i’ve told the president that i don’t want to be nominated for the post since i have one semester left.

But then, after the preliminary election, he called me again and said that my name had been nominated by the students for the post. He asked me, “Are u sure u want to finish in three and half years?”. Then i said, “If it is allowed to do so, i will. But it’s not confirmed yet”. Before this, there’s an issue about shortening the study period, but recently i heard that it is allowed to do so because IIUM has signed MoU with the JPA; something like that perhaps. i wasn’t really clear about that too actually, but that’s what i understood. So, there’s a chance for me to shorten the study period but i hadn’t confirmed the thing with the deputy dean. So, that’s why i said to the president “if it is allowed” and “it’s not confirmed yet” because i still couldn’t confirm the fact.

The situation put both of us in dilemma, whether to put my name as a candidate or not. From the bottom of my heart, i didn’t want my name to be nominated. Then, his vice asked me one tricky question, “If we do not call and ask u about this and we juz put ur name as a candidate, and let’s say u win. Will u resign or elongate ur study period?”. Then i said, if i’m elected, i guess i have to abort my planning i.e elongate my study period. To me, it is quite irresponsible to let down the trust and confidence that other students had given. Besides, it is juz not my style to neglect my responsibility although i’ve done so unconsciously. But consciously, i don’t think i’m able to do so. Then the vice said, “That’s what we wanted to hear from u. OK, now the discussion finished. Ur name will be on the paper”.

Oh mannn.. he tricked me with the question. Now i’m trapped. i went back to my room and kept thinking about that over and over, but my heart still stood on the same planning that i don’t want to be nominated. The day after, i received a letter saying that i will be nominated. At that time, it’s really getting into me. Three days later, i got a massage that i had to give manifesto speech the day after. Oh shooot, i wasn’t expecting this. ‘Nak x nak’, i had to deliver the speech, but very ‘sempoily’ because i did not prepare anything and i juz talked wateva crossed my mind. And i was wearing round neck T-shirt, jeans and slippers! Is that how a leader should look like? Actually, i did it purposely because i wanted students to see me negatively so that i do not win in the election and i even asked some of my friends not to vote me. Two days later, election began for two days; the election was to choose two out of three candidates to be brought to Annual Grand Meeting to be voted again for president/vice president 1 posts.

After two days, the vote counting began and i was really nervous to see whether my effort works or not. The count finished, but unfortunately my effort didn’t work at all, i think. i got the highest vote which is 415! The other two candidates got 354 and 319 votes. Now, it’s confirmed that i’ve to finish my studies in four years. It’s juz a matter that i will be the president or vice in the AGM this evening, as of i’m writing this (supposed to be posted on 22/9/08). Still, from the bottom of my heart, i want to be the vice because i think i’ll not be able to carry out president’s responsibility very well. But if the students still choose me, maybe i get me wrong. Everyone has his/her own perception towards people, maybe people see me in a different way from the way i see myself? Who knows?

i juz leave diz evening’s happening to the destiny. Wateva happens, perhaps that’s the best path Allah has arranged for me. Maybe Allah wants me to enhance my self esteem and confidence, and leadership skills. Maybe Allah gave me the responsibility so that i won’t be this nervous to accept it ahead. Maybe i’ll discover something new and valuable for me. Maybe this is the type of fate that cannot be altered and had been ordained by Allah ‘fii lauhin mahfuzh’. Wallahua’lam…. Only Allah knows… Juz wait and see what happens diz evening…

To be continued…